Eight Simple Rules for Dating My Website

Maybe it says something about my current state of mind that the more I think about the parallels between online marketing and a blind date, the more apt the analogy becomes. Whatever. Here are some rules that, I think, work equally well in either situation.

Disclaimer: I’m a guy. Consequently, some of these may seem a little man-centric, chauvinistic or outdated. Just remember that I’m (mostly) not here to give relationship advice.

1. Look your best

Actually, more important than dressing well is dressing appropriately. First impressions really matter, and you want to dress to impress, but there’s no point wearing a tux if your date wants to go to Burger King. Make sure your site’s visual design resonates with the expectations of your target audience.

2. Open the car door

Look out for little things you can do to surprise and delight your date. Hold the door open. Give her free shipping on orders over $50. Remember products she’s expressed interest in, because her birthday might be coming up.

3. Do something refreshingly different

Just because everybody else goes for dinner and a movie, doesn’t mean it’s what your date wants to do. Find out a little bit about the sorts of activities she likes doing, and tailor the date around that. She might hate reading blogs, and really love complex advanced product searches with boolean query logic. Or the other way around. You never know until you ask.

4. Don’t order lobster

Lobster is messy and complicated to eat. You don’t want to risk embarrassing your date by making her go through that in a restaurant full of strangers. The same goes for artichokes, and complicated multi-step enquiry forms. Wait until you know her a little better.

5. Don’t just talk about yourself

Listen! Ask questions that elicit helpful information that you can squirrel away for future dates. If you spend the whole time extolling your own virtues, the very best you can hope for is a “shut up and kiss me!” — and, let’s face it, how often does that happen?

6. Be honest

There’s no point in lying about yourself to make the first date go well, because if it does lead to something else, the truth is going to come out eventually. Better to be direct and set expectations up front. If her order will take 4-6 weeks to reach her, don’t promise speedy delivery. You are allowed to put some spin on this, though, so be creative. Just don’t lie.

7. Don’t expect everything on the first date

We’ve mentioned before that it may take several visits for a potential customer to be ready to buy from your website. This is natural. The worst thing you can do is get all grabby and needy on the first date. Be sensitive and supportive, and online conversions will happen in the fullness of time. Ahem.

8. Don’t say you’ll call if you know you won’t

If this customer isn’t really for you, don’t lead her on: she has friends who might be your type, but you won’t have a chance with them if she’s already bad-mouthed you to them: so don’t give her reason to.

If you are interested, then make sure you do what you say you’ll do, when you say you’ll do it. If you promise to call her tomorrow, call her tomorrow. If you send her an email with an order tracking number, make sure the tracking number works when she goes to the courier website. That kind of thing.

I’m not promising perfect dates every time, here, just trying to give some food for thought. If you have any other tips, why not leave them in the comments?